“Ruin is the road to transformation.” – Eat Pray Love
When I was sixteen years old, I stopped seeing beauty in myself. Every flaw that I saw in me was emphasized in my mind, and overshadowed everything else that made me who I was (am). For a reason I have yet to understand, I began to crave to be thinner, although I already was pretty slim. In my mind, being skinnier was the only way I could get even remotely close to being “beautiful.” However, when I lost 20 lbs in one summer, I lost so much more than that. I lost incredible amounts of hair, my confidence, and the joy in life, specifically in eating. I reached rock bottom when I began to randomly break into tears during school because I hated the way I looked. After a few months of being a enslaved by the disease of anorexia, I was invited to go on a retreat with a local Baptist church that changed my life. On this trip, with the inspiration and help of worship music and the one person I now call my sister, I gave my life to Christ and began my road to recovery afterwards. I cannot take the credit for my “transformation”, but I do know that I had to break through my own psychological bondage in order to be saved from myself.
A few days ago, I watched the Julia Roberts film, Eat Pray Love, and realized just how true the quote above really is. You must break your own heart in order for God, the One who created the universe and has an unconditional love for you, to reconstruct a new heart in you. Because of Him, I now have a reason to sing, I have a reason to smile, and I have a reason to love myself.